We come together in the presence of God . . .
At St. Nicholas Church and in the Anglican tradition we believe that the rite of marriage is not a private act, but a profoundly public one, performed in the presence of God and in the midst of a community: the body of Christ.

To witness and bless . . .
A legal and valid marriage requires neither church nor priest. Civil law requires only that a duly authorized person preside. More importantly, in the eyes of the church, the sacramental act of marriage is not performed by church or priest, but by the bride and the groom. The role of the church is to gather the body of Christ to witness the vows of the couple, and to support them with their prayers and actions. The role of the priest is to pronounce God's blessing upon the marriage.

Sign and symbol, bond and covenant . . .
The Church has always viewed marriage as a sign and a symbol of the love of Christ and the bond that exists between Christ and the Church. The vows made by the couple are more than a legal contract. They establish a covenant relationship between them that mirrors the covenant relationship between Christ and the Church, a commitment of love, and to act in love, in good times and bad, "for better or worse."

Not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly . . .
Because of these things, the Episcopal Church requires that those who desire the witness and blessing of the church upon their marriage engage in period of preparation, under the supervision of a priest, to assure that the couple are entering into it "greverently, deliberately, and in accordance with the purposes for which it was instituted by God."

Who May Get Married at St. Nicholas Church?

Because our strong belief in the public nature of marriage, and in the role of the church to witness, bless, and uphold the couple with their prayers and support, we require that those who wish to be married at St. Nicholas Church must have been active members of the congregation for at least six months. The children of our members may also be married at St. Nicholas Church, even if they are not resident in our community. However, in the case of non-resident children, we strongly encourage that they be active communicants in a spiritual community where they do live.

Setting the Date

Coordinating with priest . . .
Because of the difficulty in coordinating the availability of the priest, the organist, and the church building, we strongly suggest that you check with the priest and others before finalizing the date of your wedding.

Reserving the church . . .
St. Nicholas Church makes use of the facilities of Darnestown Presbyterian Church for most of its services. You will need to contact their secretary directly to reserve the church. Their number is 301-948-9127.

Allowing sufficient preparation time . . .
Getting ready for a wedding takes longer than you may think. You will need to allow sufficient time (at least three months) not only for logistical planning, but also for the preparation required by the church. If either person is remarrying, additional time must be allowed to petition the bishop for approval.

Premarital Preparation

Premarital discussions (3-5 required) . . .
The Episcopal Church requires that the couple complete a period of preparation consisting of a minimum of 3-5 discussion sessions. These sessions are not a mere formality. While they rarely provide an impediment to marriage, without their successful completion the church cannot offer its blessing on the marriage.

Issues for discussion determined by the couple . . .
Since we believe that the couple to be married are, in fact, the minister of that ceremony, we think it is only appropriate that the couple themselves be primarily responsible for determining the issues to be discussed in the preparation sessions. These issues vary from couple to couple, but often include such issues as: personality, communication, conflict, children and child-raising issues, religious life, career vs. family life, finances, sex/intimacy, and family of origin issues. In cases of remarriage, the issue of the divorce, and the issues which led to it, must also be examined closely.

Recommended pre-discussion preparation . . .
We have found the following books and website to be useful in the process of preparation:
+ "Getting the Love You Want" by Hendrix
+ "Please Understand Me" by Keirsey and Bates
+ Jung-Enneagram Test (based on the MBTI - take the test and bring with you to the sessions)

Planning the Ceremony

Clergy input . . .
One of the roles of the priest is to familiarize you with the rite of marriage as outlined in the Book of Common Prayer. Some of the aspects of the rite are fixed, but there are many areas in which you will have choices to make. It is these choices that will make the ceremony uniquely yours.

Choices you have to make . . .
+ Music and singing. Music maybe chosen from the Episcopal Hymnal or from other sources, under the guidance of the priest.
+ Scriptures and readings. The service includes readings from the Holy Scripture. Selections may be made from the Hebrew Scriptures (Old Testament) and the New Testament. Non-scriptural readings may also be included with the approval of the priest.
+ Prayers and blessings. Prayers are also a central part of the service. The couple may select from the wide variety of prayers contained in the prayer book.
+ Banns and Presentation. Lovers of tradition may wish to have the "Banns of Marriage" published and read at services on the three Sundays prior to the wedding. In addition, the couple may choose to have the bride "given" or "presented" by one of her parents, or both bride and groom may be presented by their respective families, or not presented at all.
+ Eucharist. Holy Communion may be included in the wedding service if the couple desires. However, if Communion is offered, it must be offered to all present, and may not be limited to the wedding party.

Other important issues . . .
+ Wedding Coordinators. You may choose to have a wedding coordinator help you with your wedding plans and preparations. However, such professionals must be advised that the coordination of the wedding ceremony itself is the sole responsibility of the priest.
+ Photography. To assure the dignity of the ceremony, flash photography is not permitted during the ceremony. Professional photographers may take non-flash pictures during the ceremony only with the specific permission of the priest and only in ways that will not disrupt the ceremony. Videotaping of the ceremony is allowed, but only from designated locations in the church, and without special lighting.

A word about costs . . .
+ Church Rental. You will need to negotiate directly with Darnestown Presbyterian Church regarding the cost for renting the church.
+ Organist and Singers. We will provide you with the name of our organist if you desire. But you must negotiate these arrangements on your own.
+ Priest. The priest does not charge for either preparation or for presiding. Donations to the discretionary fund may be made in honor of the marriage. These funds are used to meet pastoral needs in the congregation and the community.
+ Costs for Non-Communicants. If you are not a communicant of St. Nicholas Church and you wish to inquire about the costs of getting married click here.

The Rehearsal

What to expect . . .
Many couples make the mistake of thinking that the purpose of the rehearsal is to make sure the wedding is perfect. The real purpose of the rehearsal is to provide a time for the priest to familiarize all involved with what to expect the next day, thereby freeing them from worrying about perfection and allowing them to enjoy the celebration.

On the Day of the Wedding

What to expect . . .
Come expecting to celebrate. Come expecting to enjoy your day. Your priest will arrive in advance of the ceremony to answer last minute questions and give last minute direction. Don't worry about making mistakes. The priest is intimately familiar with the marriage ceremony, and it is the priests responsibility to help you through it. Whatever happens, by the end of the ceremony, you will be married. So remember . . .

It's Your Day!
+ Not your parent's
+ Not your friend's
+ Not the priest's
+ Not to worry